The Cum Queen Comes Clean

Last night was another of those wonderfully enlightening nights at the bar. One of our regular patrons, Christine, came in for her first visit of the year. She was joined by an old boyfriend and his somewhat current girlfriend. They ordered a round of drinks and began visiting with the others at the drinking trough. Everything was progressing normally and I was discussing some plans for the upcoming Mardi Gras party in February with a good friend Mark, when Christine joined us and our conversation for a few moments. Suddenly there was a very large segue in our dialogue as Christine announced that she thought that her job destiny lay in the field of sex therapy. This immediately stopped my friend and I in our current conversation as she proclaimed her wish to find a way to make all couples content and happy with each other through better sex.

She went on to say that she thought that the amount of infidelity amongst couples, both married and just dating was deplorable and thought that this was mainly due to a lack of imaginative and creative sexual technique and practice on their part. It was her belief was based on all of these couples problems stemmed from boring sex. She then went on to say that all couples should get "Cliff Note Virgins" rather than "Version" for a happy and productive sex life. At this we all laughed at her Freudian misstatement. Perhaps these couples were indeed looking for Cliff Note Virgins for their infidelity. Mark and I both being married tried to explain to her that this might be true to some small degree but most of the problems with couples originated from the pressures of everyday life and the financial pressures that this brings to the table. This coupled with the fact that couples know how and where to press the buttons to get under each others skin. It is my personal belief that a great deal of infidelity is caused not by the fact that couples no longer love each other but rather they are looking for a relationship that is based strictly on fun, sex and sharing without any of the everyday problems in their life seeping into the new relationship that they initiated. We then briefly delved into the idea that man as a species was not meant to be monogamous but rather polygamous. Our society and religion has made man monogamous rather than polygamous as nature and evolution may have dictated. It is perhaps this primal instinct that is present in some that leads people to cheat.

This comment having been said, a few of us retired to the patio to enjoy the unbelievably warm evening for the 2nd of January. While outside, she decided she needed to try her hand, or mouth, as the case may be with the beer schlong and some Shiner Bock. She was somewhat disappointed that they was not able to deep throat the entire schlong but I reassured her that she had done a most admiral job. Afterall, the schlong is somewhat larger than most peoples reality. She then assured me that she had no problems with the real thing and suggested to the group that if the men would eat Kiwi before hand, it gave the resultant love juice a rather sweet, fruity overtone. Now we have had a great number of wine tastings here and discussed the nuances of flavor on the palate but I believe that this was the first cum tasting analysis that I have ever attended. Once we were finished with the phallus tasting notes, Christine really began to regale us with the intimate facts of her own sexlife if we hadn't already heard plenty. How many times a day she enjoys masturbating and so forth. She and her old boyfriend then began to discuss and remember somewhat fondly the time they spent together and their forays into BDSM. Her preference for nipple biting, candle wax dribbling and spanking. At this, some of the individuals on the patio returned to the bar as this was TMI for them. The rest of us just sat there and listened to this rather interesting dialogue from these two former lovers. The funny part of this is that Christine normally comes across as a very prim and proper young lady, nothing like the person that she was describing to us. With rather explicit detail described the proper technique and timing that she preferred for clitoral stimulation along with G-spot stimulation, what her favorite mechanical encumburances were and which were not. How long it normally took her to achieve orgasm when she masturbated and on average, how many times a day she took care of her needs, a very admirable four times a day. Her boyfriend interjected that she was not quite telling the truth on this matter as he knew the real number to be somewhat higher. As a college student, she must have a very full day but then it is a good way to relieve the stresses of higher education.

After this she then polled the rest of the group as to their own sexual performance, masturabatory attitudes and techniques and personal libidoes. As I was the oldest person in the group, being in my fifties and having been married to the same woman for over thirty years, I was obviously interrogated. Did I still have and active sex life, was my libido still intact and did I still masturbate regularly? The answers, well, if you weren't there, you will just have to guess. Christine then started asking us about female ejaculation and was somewhat disturbed by the fact that this was one thing that she was not able to achieve and wanted to know if any of us knew anyone who was capable of this sexual feat. I told her that I knew at least one person who posessed this particular talent. Her old boyfriend made the comment that he thought all woman were capable but had just not learned the technique. There was some dissention in the group on this point with various opinions being expressed. By this point in the evening, Two A.M. was quickly approaching and the conversation began to find down. One of the other woman in the group left us with the parting thought that she also wished that female ejaculation was part of her sexual reportoire. Her husband promised to help her with the problem and they left. Tabs having been paid, designated drivers then worked at getting their various friends loaded into their vehicles for the journey home. Just when I think I will have a boring night, someone always cums to the rescue. Have a good one.