Here's Your Sign

I was sitting on the patio with a number of my customers this afternoon when one of the gentleman decided to relay the story of a very stupid remark that he wife of a friend of his made recently. We had been talking about the stupid things that people say sometimes without thinking. In this particular story, the friend of his had been flying into some small airport in the west and as they were landing and rolling to a stop, a deer ran onto the runway and collided with the plane. The plane was stopped out on the runway and the passengers had to wait for transportation to take them into the terminal. While he was waiting for the bus to come and pick him up he decided to call his wife and tell her of the incident. He told her the plane ran into the deer and her response was to ask if the plane was on the ground at the time. Here's her sign, "STUPID". He told her no, they ran into santa on his sleigh running a test flight before christmas.

This reminded me of a bartender that worked for me a few years ago. Chrissy was not the sharpest knife in the drawer as this story will reveal. On the tragic afternoon of September 11, 2001, my wife and I were carrying a television set into the bar so that my customers could keep abreast of the changing news events of the day. Chrissy was at the bar when we arrived and upon seeing the television asked me if there was a football game that evening. I asked her if she had not heard the news of the day? "No", she replied stating that she had been at school all day and not heard the news. Wrong, along with not being very sharp, she also was given to story telling, bold faced lying, to be more correct. I immediately told her that two commercial jetliners crashed into the World Trade Center, a third crashed into the Pentagon and a forth crashed in western Pennsylvania. As an answer to this statement, complete with her large brown doe eyes, she asked innocently, "Was anyone hurt?" Jesus Christ! How stupid can you be. I retorted rather sarcastically, "No, everyone in New York got off the planes and took the elevators to the ground floor." I should have fired her on the spot for saying the dumbest thing that I have ever heard.

This same young dimwit used to use the tab sheets as a diary of sorts writing down all kinds of inappropriate stream of consciousness. She would write about how I was an asshole for not letting her take a Friday night off at the last minute for a date or how well endowed her lastest boyfriend was, or sometimes wasn't. She would write about how the other bartenders were jerks, when she knew, or should have known, that we all looked at the nightly tab sheets. Her best piece of literature however was when she wrote about getting up early on one morning and instead of eating and going to her classes or going to the gym to work out, she decided to go back to bed and masturbate for forty-five minutes. This gave the whole bar a pretty good chuckle. She was a real piece of work. Entertainment, in the form of stupid people are all around us, you just have to look, but you don't have to look too far.